How to deal with something when you don't know how.

You would think that 15 years is long enough. When you have been through the ups and downs of life, when something is with you for 15 years, an understanding of how to navigate all the situations you are put in, should be natural.  You hear people who have been doing thing for years saying something along the lines of "I've seen it all".

Today I happened to have the 2nd seizure in 7 days, and the 5th one of the year.  All in all that's seizure 213, not including blackouts, and stare outs. Also not included are the migraines, dizziness, and tinnitus that follow me daily.

Seizure 212 was tragic.  I took out my daughter when collapsing, and ended up in a laundry basket. Seizures have left me in a daze, where I couldn't sleep, and started hallucinating.

Random seizures have had me bump my head, and think I was home, confusing my daughter, for my niece.

I've had seizures at work, in hospital, in the car, watching TV, during food, at the beach, during sex, in a bath, in hallways. Each time, no rhyme, reason. Sometimes, I'll have a huge migraine, sometimes I'll black out. Sometimes I'll stare off into Oblivion, only knowing time has passed by the changing of songs, positions of people, or maybe not knowing.

After 15 years, I still have no idea when stuff will happen, and how I'm going to be on the other side. Sometimes I'm a walking zombie. Other times, I'll have the energy of a newborn foal, but be mentally coherent. I can have the energy of a hyperactive tigger, with the IQ of a turnip, or any and all in between.

Right now, I'm shaking bad. I'm wide awake. I'm typing this. To hone my thoughts. To show myself that this happens all the time, to people like me the world over. I have a lot to ponder, and for now, that's all I have to say.